Breaking Out of the Snare

For some time now, I've been feeling the Lord impressing upon me to begin writing. Actually for months, I've been writing. In my mind. I keep telling myself I'll write it down. And that's when all the excuses come. I don't have time... Who will read it?... Am I really hearing God??...
And some of these are valid points. I really don't have extra time on my hands to write. Not only that, but as soon as I sit down, all those inspiring thought seem to vanish into thin air. And I immediately hit writer's block. I've never enjoyed writing, to be honest. Mostly, because it is an expression of me. Something I am more ready to hide than exhibit to the world. So I've been content to leave it to others who are much more qualified and talented in their literary expression. But a week ago, I took a radical step in my faith, and spoke out a bold prayer to the Lord. Immediately after I prayed it, I realized I would have to follow through, which of course, made me feel slightly uneasy. And for anyone who likes to be in control of their life, and especially those who need to control outcomes (like me), I don't recommend it. I prayed something like this:
"Lord, I am ready to do whatever you want me to do. I will obey you implicitly, even if it comes at a high cost or sacrifice to me."
I really did mean it. But it did make me feel a little panicky. Somehow I knew that it was an invitation the Lord has been waiting for.
And so this morning, following my usual routine, I was in the shower, praying and meditating on different things that came to mind. Then I felt the Lord telling me to write my thoughts down. So the excuses began. But this time, a relinquishing... OK. What do I have to lose? Maybe it doesn't have to be this grandiose thing, but just a small outlet for all of the sermons I write in my head. And who knows?  Maybe it will encourage someone who reads it.
But if I'm gonna be completely honest, I would have to admit that one of the biggest reasons I don't want to write is the fear of what people will think. Of my writing, of me. And that's exactly what I was meditating on in my shower. The fear of what people think.  In some ways, it's so interwoven into the fabric of our society, that we don't even realize how insidious it really is, or how much power we give it. Because God made us with an intrinsic need to be loved, to be valued and to belong, but sin has a way of perverting valid basic needs into something that brings us into bondage. And the fear of man is bondage! Proverbs 29:25 says, "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe."
Why is it a snare? Because Paul made this radical statement in Galatians 1:10: "If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." If I'm reading that right, it means that if I'm truly serving Christ, my quest is to please Him and receive His affirmation and not man's. The two are in direct conflict with each other. If I'm trying to be popular, favored in the eyes of man, maintain a certain reputation or project an image all for the sake of pleasing people or gaining their approval, I have forfeited the most valuable treasure that can ever be found. The approval and praise of God over my life.
Actually it all started this morning with my name. Judith. It means "praised of the Lord." I've always thought how wonderful it would be to be praised by God Himself. The ultimate affirmation. But I often don't feel this way. In fact, I struggle with feeling unacceptable. Especially when I'm going through hard times or pain. I tend to think, in my flesh, I've done something wrong or am being punished. Even though this is contrary to the Word of God, which reveals the truth of how I have been adopted as His daughter, and that it pleased Him to take me in as His own, and it was all because of His glorious grace or divine approval which He lavished on me as a completely free gift!! I don't have to work for this approval, so I cannot lose it either by my failure of lack of effort. But so often people fall short of receiving it because of unbelief, and live their lives trying to earn it and fall into the habit of seeking approval from people.
And the Lord gave me a picture of a crossroads that many of us come to. One way is a path that leads to God's approval, and the other way, the approval of man. These are not parallel paths! It's either/or, not both/and. In fact, Paul's statement in Galatians 1 reminds me a whole lot of another statement that was made by Jesus in Matthew 6:24. He said that "no one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other." The truth is, you cannot fully serve God while you are mastered by the fear of man.
Then I started to think about the story in Luke 7 of the woman who broke the jar of expensive perfume and anointed Jesus with it as an act of worship. I saw myself in that room, holding that jar in my hands. Because the truth is, I am a lot like her. We both lived a sinful life before coming to know Jesus. We both had been forgiven of much, and felt compelled to give back to Him something of great value. But as I stood there in my heart, I realized I was distracted by all the important people who filled the room. I could feel their stares, and felt the intimidation of man paralyze me. If I did what my heart longed to do, I would be exposed before them. They would see me. They might criticize or judge my motives. Ultimately, they may even reject me. But in that moment, I realized I had a choice to make. How many times have I shrunk back in fear, and honestly idolized people's opinions over God's? What if this woman did not step out in the face of those who could likely openly condemn her, and lavish her love on Jesus simply because she cared too much about what people think? These thoughts really rocked my world today. Whether we want to admit it or not, caring about our reputation or image before man is really just pride.
What about you? Is there something you have felt compelled to do for Jesus, but haven't done it simply because of what people will think? I want to challenge you with these verses that have challenged me today:
"Stop trusting in mere humans, who have but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem?" (Isaiah 2:22)
"Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." (Jonah 2:8)
"How can you believe if you accept praise from one another, yet make no effort to obtain the praise that comes from the only God?" (John 5:44)
I love the song by Kim Walker-Smith:
"I'm gonna waste it all on You. I'm gonna pour my heart's perfume. I don't care if I'm called a fool. I'm wasting it all on You!"
Today I'm making this my life's prayer!
Father, forgive me for all the times I have venerated the opinions of people and have forgotten that your approval is all I need! I choose to obey you wholeheartedly, even if it means I might be misunderstood, criticized or rejected by man. I entrust myself to you. My salvation and my honor depend on You. I take refuge in You alone. Jesus, I want to bring you my extravagant worship, holding nothing back! You are worthy of my highest praise! Amen!"
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